The Beginnings

When the year started, I had grand plans, a bucket list a mile long, and determination that this was going to be the year I finally put myself first. Well, all the planning in the world could not have prepared me for what happened my first day back to work. 

Happy New Year and welcome to unemployment. Here I was living in a friend’s spare bedroom, my personal belongings spread out in their basement, across two storage units, I was single, unemployed, and hundreds of miles away from home. This, this is what being hit with a load of bricks looks like. In an eight-minute conversation, my grand plans for the year came crashing down. What am I going to do now? Where do I go? What, what, what? 

Now, if you know me, you know that EVERYTHING in my life is planned; I've thought it out, rehearsed it a million times and all but carved it in stone. But, this, this could not have been planned, I had no time to prepare, the only thing I could do is react. And surprisingly enough my first reaction was relief. I was finally able to walk away. Away from a town that had once brought me so much joy and hope, that now was the same town that harbored a broken future, a failed long-term relationship, unhealthy friendships, and no hope for escape. I was finally out. 

Two weeks and a 17' U-Haul later, I was on my way home. Home to where my roots lived, my family thrived, and a town I had been longing for. As I pulled in the driveway after packing (again) all my belongings into yet another storage unit, I took a minute to decompress. I began scrolling through my Instagram feed and I found this, 

"I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more time than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been the victim of my own optimism".  


It is as if this was placed here, these were the words I needed to hear, the words that I couldn't have said any better to myself, and the words that would start me on my path to settled. 


This is just the beginning.